Current, Pride WeekThe Rival AmericanApril 22, 2021

Why you should get the vaccine: because it will turn you gay

“Many people are scrambling to get the vaccine, possibly for the wrong reasons, find out the number one reason: turning you gay”

The Rival AmericanApril 21, 2021

Queer as in Fuck You: A Photo Series

Pride Week, CultureThe Rival AmericanApril 19, 2021

Every single fictional character is gay, confirms new meta-study from American University Labs

Satire, Pride WeekThe Rival AmericanApril 19, 2021

BREAKING: President Sylvia Burwell announced AU's new brand campaign "LIKE A BOSS!" to replace the previous WONK campaign launched in 2011

“Mourning students spent hours poring over the email looking for a remembrance, or even mere acknowledgement for the death of the ever-unpopular WONK campaign of years past. But to no avail.”

CampusThe Rival AmericanApril 19, 2021American University, sy, wonk, challenge accepted

A Letter to All the Women I’ve Matched With on Tinder Who Haven’t Messaged Me

Pride Week, CurrentThe Rival AmericanApril 19, 2021Pride Week, LGBTQ, queer, queer love, queer women

The Greek God Parentage of Iconic Survivor Players

“With Survivor season 41 officially in production, I’m excited to continue this research.”

If Mamma Mia! Was Badly Produced and Happened in an Alley or, Why We Shouldn’t Hate Cats

Next time you see Mamma Mia!, ask yourself if you would still like it if it took place in the midnight alleyways of London, with a horribly CGI-ed cat Judi Dench singing “Money, Money, Money” instead of Meryl Streep

The Rival AmericanApril 9, 2021mamma mia, cats, American University, musical

Why I’m writing in Mothman for AUSG President, and if you’re smart you will too

Satire, CampusThe Rival AmericanApril 7, 2021

Breaking News: Student Who Joked That They Were “All Out of Shits to Give” Disappointed To Find They Are Not

“I acted like I didn’t care because I wanted to be cool, but I really care a lot, turns out I have a lot of shits to give.”

Everyone’s Zoom Personality Matches A Harry Potter Character -- Here’s Yours

CultureJackie LambApril 2, 2021

“Wellness week is good, actually,” says Student Whose Classes Got Cancelled

“OMG, Wellness Week is such a vibe. Like, I don’t know what everyone is complaining about. I am just so well right now,” said Kina Noying, a sophomore in SOC. “I just have so much time now. I can’t wait to like read a book or explore the city or something.”

Campus, SatireRow SullivanMarch 15, 2021Wellness Week, sylvia burwell, American University, american

Satan is Hiring!

Satan will be on campus this Saturday showcasing a number of employment opportunities within his multi-national company.

Satire, CampusThe Rival AmericanMarch 11, 2021Satan, satire, lucifer, devil, American University, sylvia burwell

She ought to be locked up and never released: Accounts from the harrowing production of Disney’s Cruella

Following the recent release of the trailer for the film Cruella, sources tied close to the production are opening up about their harrowing experiences in working on another soulless Disney live-action remake.