Satan is Hiring!

by Lucas Trevor

Satan will be on campus this Saturday showcasing a number of employment opportunities within his multi-national company.

Join your fellow American University students as the Prince of Darkness himself, Satan will be back on campus. No matter your major or area of focus, Lucifer will be able to answer your questions about his organization, and how to get involved. A list of possible careers across majors can be found below.

For students in Kogod, a number of key roles are available. In the fifth circle of Hell individuals guilty of Anger are doomed to spend an eternity fighting a battle in the River Styx. Skills learned in the Kogod School of business -- specifically in administrative and organization tasks -- are particularly applicable in this circle, as it can get a little hairy. But that's nothing compared to your internship at Deloitte.

As for students in the School of Public Affairs, a number of unique career paths will be discussed. Most notably, in the 1st circle of hell, Limbo. The training received as part of your degree is particularly important here. Rumored to be contained in Limbo are great thinkers of world history including Virgil, Homer, Plato and Socrates. You’ll feel right at home as each student in SPA is as important, and their thoughts as valuable as the thinkers living there. Step aside Plato, your perspective on the failures of collectivism because of the Tragedy of the Commons NEEDS to be heard.

Next, students in the School of Communications studying Journalism, PR, or Film and Media Arts should be interested in less “hands-on jobs.” The Angel Of The Abyss is looking for a rebrand of his dominion, and is particularly interested in hiring interns with a focus on recontextualizing the public perception of the Inferno.

Finally, students in the School of International Service should come with questions about the Center of Hell. You’ll feel right at home with history’s greatest deceivers and traitors. Students who took Professor Smith’s class SISU:1420 Coups and Coup Studies: How to Plan and Execute a CIA Backed Coup can bring their knowledge to conversations with Judas, Brutus and Cassius.

While all of the positions being offered are ultimately unpaid; the effect of a company like Hell being on your resume is more valuable than $15/hr.

Where: MGC 202

When: Saturday from 9 am-11 am

RSVP: Directly to Sylvia Burwell by emailing your interest to president@american.edu