Breaking News: Student Who Joked That They Were “All Out of Shits to Give” Disappointed To Find They Are Not

“I acted like I didn’t care because I wanted to be cool, but I really care a lot, turns out I have a lot of shits to give.”

You Too Can Be a Changemaker!

Considerations for a graduating senior on being “morally neutral”

CampusThe Rival AmericanFebruary 24, 2021changemaker, American University, The Rival, The rival american, sylvia burwell

An Ode to My Best Friends

If Valentine’s Day is about love, I’d rather dedicate it to the people that I actually choose time and time again, and in return, the people who choose me.

Sex WeekRow SullivanFebruary 13, 2021friendship, friends, sex and the city, sex, sex week, The Rival, The rival american

Best Movie Scenes to Show You the Do's and Dont's of Covid Safe Sex

In today’s pandemic ridden world dorm hook-ups and Tinder “dates” are risky propositions. At the same time exclusively asking people in your “bubble” to have casual sex apparently leads to a ruined socially distanced outdoor picnic. Who knew?

Freshmen pledges on door duty entrusted to protect the Capitol after police failed

“I’ve been training for this since I was the treehouse bouncer in 4th grade. I wasn’t like allowed to hang out in the treehouse, but I was told it was really fun.”

Current, SatireThe Rival AmericanJanuary 7, 2021Capitol, America, American University, The Rival, Officers, coup, capitol police, freshmen

AU Announces School of Miscommunication

Campus, SatireThe Rival AmericanNovember 17, 2020american, American University, The Rival, The rival american, sylvia burwell, burwell, SOC, SOM, micommunication

In Memoriam: The Wonk Costume You Would Have Worn to This Year’s Halloweekend Bash

Shriek WeekThe Rival AmericanOctober 30, 2020Halloween, The Rival, The rival american, dick cheynet, bush, sis, soc, spa, Hamilton, Corona, Fake News, Rachel Maddow, Monopoly, parks and rec, star wars, Albright, Brexxit

Knives Out: Halloween Without Horror

Shriek WeekThe Rival AmericanOctober 29, 2020knives out, rian johnson, movies, 2019, oscars, joker, american, American University, The Rival, The rival american

A Crytpid Apology

Shriek WeekThe Rival AmericanOctober 29, 2020American University, The Rival, The rival american, Halloween, horror, cryptid, ghost, sylvia burwell

Queering Horror, Failings of "The Haunting of Bly Manor"

Shriek WeekThe Rival AmericanOctober 28, 2020bly manor, netflix, horror, halloween, 2020, binge, wlw, queer, queer love, LGBTQ, LGBTQIA, hill house, The rival american, American University, The Rival

Please, I'm trapped in Kogod and I need your help

“Where was I? I looked up. It was then I saw the unspeakable building that has come to define my miserable existence. I dare not repeat its name, dear reader, though a rhyme might help in your identification: NO GOD, reads its cursed inscription. Arlene and Robert NO GOD. For there is no god in these walls as much as there is no mercy in hell.”

I Dressed Up as an Alien Freshman Year: An Apology

“I have a confession to make. I’ve thought about this for a while, and after a lot of advice, and a lot of therapy, I’ve decided that I need to come clean: during my freshman year of college, I, too, dressed up in a basic alien costume for Halloween. I know.”