Every single fictional character is gay, confirms new meta-study from American University Labs

By Clair McCormack

This is a community submission sent to The Rival American for Pride Week

A recent meta-study analyzing over 800 peer-reviewed studies and over 100,000 fictional works and characters have concluded that every single fictional character is gay.

“We couldn’t believe the results initially,” said data researcher Phillip Colsworth. “We had hoped at least that Archie Bunker would be straight, but our research confirmed he was a complete closet case.”

Further analysis, using numerous behavioral psychologists and forensics researchers confirmed that every time that a fictional character shows romantic attraction to an individual of the opposite sex, it was faked in order to prevent others from suspecting their homosexuality or to be in closer context of an individual of the same sex.

“This research completely revolutionizes our field of research,” said director Jamie Holmes. “Batman? Gay. Walter White? Gay. Barbie? Gay. It’s all been a very shocking development.”

Despite being widely verified by the broader scientific community, the studies release has not been without detractors. Popular YouTube Channel “EpicGamer103201”, (Real Name Jonathan Beck) who recently passed the 1 billion subscriber milestone, made a video with over 5,000,000,000 views reached within 2 minutes calling the researchers “Libtard cucks,” and which went on to claim the researchers were part of an international conspiracy to turn polar bears gay so the icecaps will melt. The character commonly used by Beck, a cartoon ferret with his arms crossed and a vaguely unhappy expression, has also been confirmed to be gay according to the researchers.