Why you should get the vaccine: because it will turn you gay

by: Natalie Peek

Contributions by Talia Marshall

Lil Nas X proved once again the truth of viral internet conspiracies by proving that it was the COVID vaccine, not anything else at all, that has turned him gay. In a truth telling tweet, he showed a before and after. This tweet could be the only information source you need to take the vaccine: because it will turn you gay.  

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of other reasons to get any of the vaccines. I mean, hello, mRNA? Super cool that your shot can relay protein blueprints (through that sweet, sweet mRNA) that then makes your white blood cells make those antibodies so that you don’t get COVID and die. 2 weeks after your second dose, 94-97% effective (Moderna, Pfizer) or at preventing disease and at least 97% effective at preventing death. Probably a better percentage than I’m going to get in my finals. Even cooler? Possibly, never having to contend with the opposite sex for romantic relationships.

Not only will you possibly not have to worry about COVID this summer, you could not have to worry at all about the opposite sex for much of anything besides an acquaintanceship if you prefer. Did you, like me, once state that, “it would be so much easier if I just didn’t have to deal with men romantically?” Well, take that COVID vaccine, and you won’t have to. Though not as effective at making you gay as it is making you not die from COVID (only 75% efficacy rate), it’s well worth it.