Why I’m writing in Mothman for AUSG President, and if you’re smart you will too

By Olivia McCormack

It’s that time of the year again, AUSG elections are this week. The cherry blossoms are in bloom and over-eager sophomores are Facebook messaging you, “Hey! I’m campaigning for my friend..” You’ve gained 10 followers overnight for accounts that will be vacant come June. After these student representatives are voted in you will never hear from them again, and their terms will accomplish nothing but bolster their resumes. 

This system of do-nothing AU politics needs to change. And there’s only one cryptid for the job, Mothman. 

Only one candidate tried to warn the residents of Point Pleasant, West Virginia about an impending bridge collapse in December of 1967. Has a single other AUSG candidate tried to warn anyone about a bridge collapse? Even a minor stair collapse? No. Mothman is a national hero who has served his nation with a full heart and glowing red eyes. 

Aren’t we all tired of AU’s hectic communication? Mothman’s style of communication is sleek and uncomplicated. He emits a piercing, humming sound that will cut through all of those “This week at AU” emails. 

Mothman supports the LGBTQ+ community and was one of the first creatures to put his gender identity in his name. He supports micro-grants funded by AU to allow students to receive gender-affirming surgery and to pay for queer youth who can no longer return home safely. If you would like to support queer individuals, or are yourself looking for support, Mothman heavily suggests you look into the Stonewall Community Foundation.

Without Mothman, our campus is in danger. With no natural predators, Clawed Z Eagle has become unchecked. By summoning Mothman to our campus the terrible reign of that eagle can come to an end. That’s just one small contribution that Mothman can make to the welfare of our campus.

Most AUSG candidates have been profiled by The Eagle. But you know who Mothman has been profiled by? Shane and Ryan from Buzzfeed Unsolved. This creature has a 31-minute youtube series episode dedicated to finding him, and we could have him as our student body President. Just consider it. 

I asked the Mothman himself how he feels about being written in for such a prestigious position, to which he replied, “REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.” Which brought me to tears. That one statement has more substance and depth than any platform I’ve seen by an AUSG candidate in my four years at this hell-scape of an institution. Under a Mothman rule, we would see constant poise and eloquence. It would be like a top-tier frat party formal all the time, where someone’s dad is paying for it. 

A vote for Mothman is a vote against aesthetic political Instagram stories. It’s a vote for a Clawed-less campus. It’s a vote for a giant, flying, furry monster who isn’t going to school to LARP war crimes. Vote with your heart, and your Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural conscious. Vote Mothman.