Jeff Bezos Steps Down as Amazon CEO to Take Position at American University’s Kogod School of Business

Campus, SatireThe Rival AmericanFebruary 4, 2021

How being a child of divorce prepared me to split classes between Canvas and Blackboard

“Gmail is the virtual version of the McDonald’s parking lot at mile 242 where your dad picks you up.”

Satire, CampusThe Rival AmericanJanuary 26, 2021

Back to Basics: What Even Is American University?

A guide for fog-brained upperclassmen and freshmen who’ve never had a fire alarm

CampusThe Rival AmericanJanuary 19, 2021american, American University, kogod, cryptid

Unconditional Pass/Fail: A Hope for a More Understanding Grading System

Despite 35 student organizations and over 770 students signed on to the petition to allow unconditional pass/fail to no avail, students continue to push for a more understanding system

Freshmen pledges on door duty entrusted to protect the Capitol after police failed

“I’ve been training for this since I was the treehouse bouncer in 4th grade. I wasn’t like allowed to hang out in the treehouse, but I was told it was really fun.”

Current, SatireThe Rival AmericanJanuary 7, 2021Capitol, America, American University, The Rival, Officers, coup, capitol police, freshmen

Sylvia’s Declassified School Survival Guide

CampusThe Rival AmericanDecember 7, 2020sylvia burwell, American University, The rival american, zoom, zoom university, ned's declassified, survival

Your Pass/Fail FAQs For the End of the Semester

CampusThe Rival AmericanDecember 4, 2020campus culture, Campus News, campus life, Pass/Fail, FAQs

An Ode to Shrek: The LGBTQ affirming icon you forgot from your childhood

CultureThe Rival AmericanNovember 20, 2020shrek, Pride Week, shrek2, dreamworks, fairy god mother, LGBTQ, LGBTQIA

Which Hargreeves Sibling (from Umbrella Academy) Would Win a Presidential Election?

CultureThe Rival AmericanNovember 18, 2020umbrella acadamy, television, binge, presidential election, debate, biden, trump, netflix

AU Announces School of Miscommunication

Campus, SatireThe Rival AmericanNovember 17, 2020american, American University, The Rival, The rival american, sylvia burwell, burwell, SOC, SOM, micommunication

Michael Myers Escaped, Confused as People Quarantine during Halloween

Shriek WeekThe Rival AmericanOctober 30, 2020Halloween, freddy krueger, nightmare on elm street, texas chainsaw massacre, Shriek Week, movies, horror movies

In Memoriam: The Wonk Costume You Would Have Worn to This Year’s Halloweekend Bash

Shriek WeekThe Rival AmericanOctober 30, 2020Halloween, The Rival, The rival american, dick cheynet, bush, sis, soc, spa, Hamilton, Corona, Fake News, Rachel Maddow, Monopoly, parks and rec, star wars, Albright, Brexxit

Knives Out: Halloween Without Horror

Shriek WeekThe Rival AmericanOctober 29, 2020knives out, rian johnson, movies, 2019, oscars, joker, american, American University, The Rival, The rival american

A Crytpid Apology

Shriek WeekThe Rival AmericanOctober 29, 2020American University, The Rival, The rival american, Halloween, horror, cryptid, ghost, sylvia burwell

Queering Horror, Failings of "The Haunting of Bly Manor"

Shriek WeekThe Rival AmericanOctober 28, 2020bly manor, netflix, horror, halloween, 2020, binge, wlw, queer, queer love, LGBTQ, LGBTQIA, hill house, The rival american, American University, The Rival

Your 2020 Halloween Costume Guide

Shriek WeekThe Rival AmericanOctober 28, 2020Halloween, Halloween costumes, Halloween costume, American University, mike pence, pence fly, usps, tiger king, tik tok, among us, 2020

A Totally Scientific, Not at All Subjective End to the Debate: Is “The Nightmare Before Christmas” a Halloween Movie?

The plot of “TNBC” revolves around the (forced) combination of Halloween and Christmas. But this combination of two nationally beloved holidays has left viewers quarreling since 1993: is “TNBC” really a Halloween movie?

Please, I'm trapped in Kogod and I need your help

“Where was I? I looked up. It was then I saw the unspeakable building that has come to define my miserable existence. I dare not repeat its name, dear reader, though a rhyme might help in your identification: NO GOD, reads its cursed inscription. Arlene and Robert NO GOD. For there is no god in these walls as much as there is no mercy in hell.”