In Memoriam: The Wonk Costume You Would Have Worn to This Year’s Halloweekend Bash

by Kayleigh Thompson

We get it. When in DC, it’s almost a rite of passage to dress as your favorite policy wonk for your first Halloweekend or annual embassy trick or treat. Whether it be Ted Cruz as the Zodiac Killer, a global warming pun, or your costume interpretation of gross domestic product (GDP), being an AU student in the Fall means that you have the singular opportunity to show off your favorite hallmarks of studying public service. And what other way than through a cheap, homemade Halloween costume at the annual Halloweekend party hop?

While there are no awkward frat parties, studio apartment soirees, or weird international candy that you will never eat this year,we felt it important to stay in the Halloween spirit by highlighting some of those wonky costumes you definitely didn’t have ready to go in your closet. 

Let’s break it down by school:

SIS 

It’s only natural that we start with the largest major and school on campus. SIS Wonks have a wide variety of costumes that they can show off for their fellow peers as they skip their 4:05pm class to hit up as many embassies as possible. Here are some favorites: 

Brexit

If you’ve been at AU within the last four years, Brexit surely has taken up at least 10 minutes of that global governance gateway you took for fun. No doubt one of you has definitely made that guy from Tinder you dragged to embassy row complete the couple costume of your dreams.

Madeleine Albright

 For all the foreign policy wonks, a Madeleine Albright costume is an easy way to use those business clothes you bought for college but haven’t actually worn anywhere yet. You can impress all of your peers by dressing as one of your favorite (or least favorite) Secretary of States. As someone who has been to a party with multiple Secretary Albrights, I can confirm that nobody got it, but that just gave you the chance to drop a 5 minute recap of her life, and also mention that she’s best friends with your professor for intro to Foreign Policy, Ambassador Sally Shelton-Colby.

SPA

There’s so many ways for the average freshman wonk to take a jab at their major when a student in the AU School of Public Affairs. From your favorite President or Congressman to a sexy judge, the possibilities are endless: 

Dick Cheney

Vice President Cheyney is a complicated figure, but his ability to unite constituents in a time of war was admirable. As one of the most infamous figures in political history, it comes as no surprise that wonks have taken jabs at the Vice President (or supreme chancellor, whichever you prefer) while giving a thorough opinion of his authoritarianism at 10pm in an overcrowded Avalon apartment. Your favorite part of the night was running around and telling everyone that he IS the senate.

Leslie Knope

Maybe you didn’t want to bear the weight of being a real person for Halloween. We get it. But as a political wonk you still felt it was your duty to embody your major in some way while trick or treating at Neil Kerwin’s house, so who better to turn to than Leslie Knope? Everyone will get it, but you can add your own input on your insightful analysis of the show’s political themes. Come on, we know at least some of you have done this. 

KOGOD

Do we even need to say it? We get it, you all have just gone trick or treating in your suit and pretended to be someone important. Check out these best efforts:  

The Brooks Brothers Explorer Suit:

Wrinkle resistant, breathable, and lightweight. Even though you told your friends you were dressed as someone from The Wolf of Wall Street, we know you just wanted to fit in after rushing from an internship at Capital One back to the frat house so you can make sure you have a pick as to which girls you think qualify to waste their time in your gross basement. .

Monopoly Man Suit

Just kidding business majors, we know you love dressing up too. To achieve both the business major aesthetic and the festive Halloween spirit, the Mr. Monopoly Man costume is a favorite in the Wonk world. You can still talk about your latest stock market investments while fitting in with your decked out peers. 

SOC

There’s a lot of fun things wonks have done to encapsulate their love for journalism and media production throughout the years. Whether you want to go as your favorite reporter to just dress up as a camera, here are some highlights:  

Rachel Maddow

You know her, you love her. A quick and easy DIY costume for that last minute invite to a Halloweekend movie night.  Wonks who dress up as the iconic television host and reporter most likely plan to spend the evening talking endlessly about how many applications they have sent over to media organizations, but will never actually tell you where they actually applied to, or what exactly their focus is.

Fake News 

Another easy DIY for the wonk bad a committing to going out, the Fake News costume can easily be attained by simply grabbing a newspaper and writing ‘FAKE NEWS’ with a marker. Or cover yourself from head to toe in said newspaper and write ‘FAKE NEWS’ in sharpie. It’s always a wonky show stopper. 

CAS

Well, there’s a lot of you so possibilities here are really endless. I know lots of you are either super into STEM, econ majors, or panicked and became an english major. 

Microbe/Virus

This may be a little too on the nose, but we know that any public health or other natural sciences majors are going to be jumping at the opportunity to be any type of microbe, virus, or representation of a pandemic. Even though these may have been popular costumes before,, we know all of you will at least be considering them this year as you plan your Zoom Halloween happy hour.

Any Costume from Hamilton

Whether you’re a history major, theater major, or have only cared about what Lin Manuel Miranda tweets for the last four years, a costume from Hamilton is a common must-have at any wonky Halloween bash. While dressed as a Schuyler sister or A. Ham himself, we know you have shown up and made plenty of bad puns about “not throwing away your shot.” We also know you probably asked if anyone has actually read the book Alexander Hamilton  by Ron Chernow and if you actually picked up on the meaning behind that one eyebrow raise from George Washington in Act II.