2 Hocus 2 Pocus
Picture this: you’re twelve years old. You’ve just sat down on your family’s living room couch that probably could go for a deep clean and is harboring several hundreds worth in spare change in between the cushions. You’re double-fisting your Halloween candy bag in one hand and a lukewarm apple cider in the other. On the television screen in front of you, a movie is about to play. For the next hour and thirty-six minutes, you will have probably the most intense sexuality crisis of your– albeit short– life so far.
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Bah Humbug Mfs
The views of this article do not reflect the views or values of The Rival as a whole. The Rival loves Halloween.
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The 1975 Dropped an Album and Everyone's Acting Like It's 2016 Again
Yes, my brain was rotted and destroyed from the inside out by exposing myself to the 1975’s music video for their song “Robbers” when I was 13. Apparently, I am not alone in this experience, since so many people on Twitter keep talking about their latest album, Being Funny in a Foreign Language, that dropped on October 14.
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An Open Letter to Taylor Swift
As much as I love you, Taylor, I do need to eat. Unless you’re handing out Trader Joe’s grocery packages at your tours free of charge, I guess I’ll go hungry for a week!
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Why Marrying a Military Man is Good for You
Remember, it's not what you can do for misogyny, it's what misogyny can do for you.
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Oh, God, Not Another Business Major
Each character has their own separate arc, and it’s almost hard to keep up with the shifting alliances. With each passing episode, my roommate and I found ourselves asking the same question: what would the characters of Succession be like as American University students?
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The Rival Entrepreneur Hustler Crypto Yacht Club for Free Thinkers
You DO NOT want to miss out on getting in at the ground floor. Think of it like investing in Amazon when Jeff Bezos started his company with NOTHING except for a $300,000 investment from his parents. Or like befriending Elon Musk when he was just a scrappy South African teen walking around with quarter million dollar emeralds in his pocket from his father’s apartheid-era mine. Remember when everyone made fun of Bitcoin? This is a lot like that. Join now!
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Men vs Therapy
The many excuses a man chooses to exhaust to avoid therapy
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For Your Consideration
College got you feeling down? Want to escape to a totally unrealistic depiction of high school featuring grown adults trying to look 16? Then The Rival has just the show for you!
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What It’s Like to Look for Love Halfway Around the World
Just weeks away from being in South Korea, I found stability in staying occupied with all of the little things that would never prepare me for the year ahead.
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Couples I Would Like to Be A Third For
Seeing so many cute relationships made me all warm and fuzzy inside, but at the same time I couldn’t help but feel jealous. I then figured if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
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Post-op: Galentine’s Day
Single vs. Taken. Group plans vs. Couple plans. Girlfriend’s expectations vs. Boyfriend’s wallets. All for a holiday created to sell cheesy Hallmark Cards. Yeah, it’s a fake holiday, but some people manage to be even faker.
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22 Ways To Say "I Love You"
22 Ways To Say “I Love You”, a poem.
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Beware the Beard
Coronavirus is old news. There’s a new epidemic in town, and his name is Beard Burn.
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Tinder Tips
This Valentine’s Day, instead of wallowing in your solitary sadness and eating those heart-shaped chocolates you bought for yourself, use our helpful Tinder Tips to ensure you’re not alone next year!
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Attention: The Aces Have Taken Over While You Weren’t Looking
While you were falling for the roses, we- The Council of the Asexuals and Aromantics- have made a few changes around here. Your obedience is mandatory. Thank you for your cooperation.
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Which ‘Rocky Horror Picture Show’ Character Should Be Your Valentine?
With Valentine’s Day approaching, what better way to celebrate than by deciding which Rocky Horror character will be your “plus one” this holiday season.
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All the Shrek Movies Ranked by Soundtrack
Celebrate 21 years of Shrek with this definitive ranking of the franchise’s best soundtracks.
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