The Rival Entrepreneur Hustler Crypto Yacht Club for Free Thinkers

by Owen Lancaster

Hey there, young impressionable students! Are you tired of being broke? Are you frustrated with the lack of female attention you receive? Are you a student of great free thinkers such as Elon Musk, Andrew Tate, and Jordan Peterson? Are you tired of your immediate friends and family telling you that you aren’t “based” or “redpilled” and that you’ve simply fallen for a pipeline scheme that turns innocent young boys into hate mongers spouting misogyny? Are you wondering when I’m going to stop posing long ass questions and get to the point? Well I have just the thing for you, dumbass!

Through countless minutes of research, investment, and other shit, The Rival has developed a program which allows the free thinkers of American University to begin living up to their full potential. With the Entrepreneur Hustler Crypto Yacht Club for Free Thinkers ™, you will be given the opportunity to finally be just like your AU alumni heroes such as Jordan Belford and Bernie Madoff. This program will give you everything you need to take you from a simple Kogod major who’s favorite hobby is “debunking the wage gap” to a legitimate entrepreneur who makes money and doesn't take shit from no one!

STEP 1: STUDY

Once you are in the program, you are going to want to study the wise musings of those who came before you. You will watch Ben Shapiro DESTROY countless college students with no debate experience with FACTS and LOGIC. You will spend hours scrolling on TikTok watching various shirtless men smoking cigars give their personal thoughts on women’s role in society. Most importantly, you will regurgitate these opinions onto your twitter, ensuring no reasonable employer will hire you in the future (except maybe Barstool Sports) thus ensuring your 100% commitment and focus to the program, from whatever yacht, supercar, or parental basement you chose to do your work from. 

STEP 2: CRYPTOCURRENCY:

Once you are in the program, we have many methods to get rich with Web3 technology, with support for Bitcoin, Etherium, Dogecoin, Litecoin, Sylviacoin, Wonkcoin, and ChallengeAcceptedCoin. But most important of all, we have developed Rivalcoin, a cryptocurrency which will change the landscape of digital currency forever. Make no mistake, this is no typical coin, there are a myriad of reasons why Rivalcoin has intrinsic value. So now that you know its worth, you will not only heavily invest in it yourself, but make sure everyone you know understands how much they will miss out if they do not invest. There is nothing people love more than discussing crypto, especially if they have expressed no prior interest. You’ll get very good at getting people to agree to whatever you're pushing on them so you’ll leave them alone, which will prove very useful for Step 3!

STEP 3: RECRUIT

The most crucial element of the Entrepreneur Hustler Crypto Yacht Club for Free thinkers is its ability to expand. Your initial investment into the program can be recuperated easily simply by recruiting others to the program. No matter how much they resist, or slander our program, insist that they join (you’re doing them a favor). Now I can already tell what our soyboy liberal cuck detractors are going to claim: doesn’t this sound like the textbook definition of a pyramid scheme?

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So what are you waiting for? You DO NOT want to miss out on getting in at the ground floor. Think of it like investing in Amazon when Jeff Bezos started his company with NOTHING except for a $300,000 investment from his parents. Or like befriending Elon Musk when he was just a scrappy South African teen walking around with quarter million dollar emeralds in his pocket from his father’s apartheid-era mine. Remember when everyone made fun of Bitcoin? This is a lot like that. Join now!

Make a purchase here to take the preliminary steps to be considered for the incredible privilege of joining our program. Remember, it’s not a pyramid scheme, and we’re not broke. 

Disclaimer: The law requires we tell you that everything in this article is NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE