By Kaia Thompson

Picture this: you’re twelve years old. You’ve just sat down on your family’s living room couch that probably could go for a deep clean and is harboring several hundreds worth in spare change in between the cushions. You’re double-fisting your Halloween candy bag in one hand and a lukewarm apple cider in the other. On the television screen in front of you, a movie is about to play. For the next hour and thirty-six minutes, you will have probably the most intense sexuality crisis of your– albeit short– life so far (you go to American University, most of us are gay, tell me I’m wrong). Obviously, the movie I’m referring to is the 1993 Kenny Ortega classic Hocus Pocus.

Before you throw your hands in the air in a show of anti-Hocus Pocus exasperation, hear me out. What more could you want in a Halloween movie? A scenic fall town complete with red and yellow-leaved trees, a weird urban legend that everyone in town seems to know about, an angsty newcomer that doesn’t believe in said urban legend, talking animals, zombies, and Garry Marshall in a Halloween costume. Also, this was the movie that made me ask my mom what a virgin is, which made for a fun (and not awkward at all) family Halloween memory.

Still not convinced? Yeah, neither is my boyfriend, and I’ve been bothering him about this movie for a solid month. But, fear not! I have generously come up with five reasons why Hocus Pocus is objectively one of the best Halloween movies to have ever been created.

1. The Talking Cat

I really don’t have any other comments on this one. Kids love talking animals, what can I say? Quite honestly, this is what started my love for black cats (my roommate and I are planning to adopt one when we finally find an affordable apartment near campus. So basically, never). Also, he literally sacrificed himself to eternal life as a cat in order to save his younger sister. King, amiright?

2. The Cast

This movie had an absolute banger of a cast that altered the chemistry of my brain at age twelve. Other than Pirates of the Caribbean, this was one of the first movies where I had a crush on both the main character and his love interest. And the main character’s dad. And the evil blonde witch trying to kill him. But, details! The Sanderson Sisters, or the three witches, are played by Sarah Jessica Parker, Bette Midler, and Kathy Najimy – all three of which made a return in the 2022 sequel. Even 30 years later, their chemistry is still off the charts. Lovia Midler says it best in her Hollywood Reporter review: “Midler, Parker and Najimy have an electric presence on screen, their chemistry virtually unchanged in the decades between films.”

The protagonists, Max, his little sister Dani, and his crush Allison must embark on a quest to defeat the Sanderson Sisters and ensure they don’t suck the souls out of the children of Salem before the sun comes up. Sounds easy, right? WRONG! Over the course of the night, the trio will encounter zombies, sentient spell books, and black flame candles with the power to bring back the witches that can only be lit by virgins. Hashtag spoiler, but the candle does in fact get lit. Everyone point and laugh! (Kidding. I could light it too Max, as well as the entire Kogod School of Business, you’re not special). The three kids also have amazing chemistry, but sadly not any musical numbers.

3. The Musical Numbers

This film has one of the most iconic, jaw-dropping, mouth-watering, eyes-pop-out-of-socket musical numbers Disney has ever produced. During a party at the town hall, the sisters perform a bewitching (sorry, I had to) rendition of I Put a Spell on You that enchants the partygoers, which looks to be mainly the parents of Salem. Stupid adults. If there is one thing Kenny Ortega is going to do, it’s have a music number. High School Musical, anyone? I tried to watch the performance at least three times a week during the month of October in order to get through midterms, but I figured I should maybe dedicate that time to actually studying so I compromised for only one time a week.

4. The Camp Sequel

This past month, Disney+ released the sequel to the 1993 cult classic, cleverly and originally titled 2 Hocus 2 Pocus. Just kidding, it’s titled Hocus Pocus 2: Electric Boogaloo. Kidding again. It’s just Hocus Pocus 2. Other than the slightly bland title, I loved it! While I was majorly disappointed not to see more cameos from the first movie, I still had fun. The musical number (One Way or Another), however, can never live up to the first one. A lot of reviews were complaining about the movie’s lack of seriousness, but if you went in expecting a Top Gun: Maverick level of sequel, that’s on you. Midler, Parker and Najimy, who all returned as the Sanderson Sisters, committed to the bit harder than my roommate and I on a random Tuesday night. And trust us, we’ll commit to just about anything. One time, we both talked exclusively in New Zealand accents for about three days straight. Do I remember why? No. But I know we committed!

5. Sarah Jessica Parker

Yeah.

Are you convinced yet? No? Yes? Whatever your answer, dear reader, I hope that one day you can take it upon yourself and have a watch. Nevertheless, I hope everyone has a fun and safe Halloween! I already saw some super realistic Kogod costumes this week! Keep it up boys, you all look great in your clip-on ties.