Couples I Would Like to Be A Third For

by Shea Neary

Although Valentine’s Day has passed, February is still known to be the month of love. Seeing so many cute relationships made me all warm and fuzzy inside, but at the same time I couldn’t help but feel jealous. I then figured if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Here are five couples that I would like to be a third for.

1) Robert Pattinson’s Batman and Zoë Kravitz’s Catwoman

This couple is truly just every bisexual’s dream. The casting directors must have gone onto my personal Pinterest board of sexy celebrities and decided who to cast from there. So catch me in theaters on March 4th watching the two hottest people alive fight people together while wishing I was there with them.

2) Taylor Swift and Dianna Agron circa 2011

You’re probably thinking “They totally didn’t date, Shea. You’re crazy.” That’s just what Big Heterosexuality wants you to believe. I need to time travel and become their third because 1. I love them both and 2. I need to know the insanely messy details of their breakup that 100% inspired the song “Wonderland,” as you can’t tell me the lyrics “too in love to think straight” aren’t a gay double entendre.

3) Sydney Sweeney and her ugly BF

Look, I don’t think I could pull her on my own. However, if I had the opportunity to show her how much better I am than her boyfriend up close, I know that I could prevail.

4) Pete Davidson and anybody

He definitely gives me the vibe that he would be down for it. He’s dated almost every celebrity woman, so why not give me, an average plebeian, a chance too? I need to see for myself what all the fuss is about. Additionally, I’d like to see what he’s like while interacting with women because he seems just so aloof.

5) Harry and Meghan 

I want to hear the drama and shit talking. Sorry, I’m messy.