Picture this: you’re twelve years old. You’ve just sat down on your family’s living room couch that probably could go for a deep clean and is harboring several hundreds worth in spare change in between the cushions. You’re double-fisting your Halloween candy bag in one hand and a lukewarm apple cider in the other. On the television screen in front of you, a movie is about to play. For the next hour and thirty-six minutes, you will have probably the most intense sexuality crisis of your– albeit short– life so far.