The Best and Worst Places to Have Sex at AU

The Rival American has been thinking about sex. Perhaps too much. For our annual sex week, we decided to bring our audience a list of what we think are the best, worst (and most controversial) places to have sex at AU.

Disclaimer: The Rival American is not responsible for any public indecency charges acquired by our readers.

 BEST

Beeghly Hall

The former science building, last used by the Class of 2023, was briefly used as a COVID-19 testing clinic. Go to fucking town in the now abandoned building amongst old files, beakers, possible nuclear waste, but nobody and nothing else.

Dorm Room

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Vibes vary heavily across all dorm halls at AU—sex havers in Letts Hall may be subject to roaches and mice joining in on the fun, and intercoursers in McDowell may have to deal with mold spores infecting their lungs. Regardless, this is a classic for a reason (just make sure your roommate doesn’t walk in). 

An Empty Classroom

Try one or try them all. Sexy, dangerous, and private until someone walks in to study.

A Handicap Bathroom in Anderson Hall

Get romantic in one of these randomly really nice private bathrooms located in the freshman dorms. There’s a lot to love about this location: the fancy tiled walls, the large open shower, the lockable solid doors. It isn’t exactly sound proof, but it certainly offers more privacy than our next suggestion.

Communal Dorm Shower Stalls

An all time favorite, and maybe even for a reason. 

WORST

TDR Bathrooms

If you’re this down bad, you might as well just skip the semantics and get it on right out in the open. What about the smell of fried food and raw chicken says romance? If you are brave enough to venture out on this sexcapade, try the weird area in between the stalls.

The Quad on a Lovely 75° and Sunny Day

Since you clearly have no shame, give students who are just trying to enjoy the first nice day of the semester a show they didn’t ask for and definitely don’t want. On the bright side, touring students’ parents hopefully won’t waste the equivalent of a house on tuition after seeing your behavior.

Dorm Lounges

What kind of person doesn’t have the self control to walk ten feet to their room? You, apparently. This fishbowl experience has everything: the dishes your floormate has left for three weeks, custodial workers vacuuming the floors, and constant foot traffic right outside. 

Ward Circle

What is wrong with you? 

CONTROVERSIAL

The Amphitheater

We can’t imagine that this is the greatest, because it is quite literally out in the open and near multiple residence halls. Still, perhaps the nature vibes and the cool acoustics make up for the exhibitionism. Make your partner go wild by bragging about that one time you stood here and watched the Obamas get in their car.

Katzen Sculpture Garden

This gives off the illusion of privacy, but you can see through those glass doors from the other side of the room inside. Like the amphitheater, though, one can appreciate the acoustics this area would give. 

The Bridge Between Leonard and McDowell Halls

Pressed up against the window? Sexy. Looking down from two stories up? Sexy-ish. AU? Well…

Be warned that this gets more foot traffic than you would think.

***

Wherever you choose to doink, do it responsibly.

(As if AU students fuck…)