MAGA Parents: A Guide to Protecting Your Peace This Thanksgiving
(Anonymous) Author’s Note: I love my parents and I am so privileged and grateful to have them. They have supported me not only financially, but also emotionally. But they also make me feel insane and I am so disappointed in their socio-political views. These two things can be true at once!
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At the “most liberal” school in the country, you’d be surprised how many students can relate to having MAGA (Make America Great Again) parents. How did they send us to live in the nation’s extremely liberal Capitol? How do they help pay for a school that indoctrinates us with left-wing lies? Well, I don’t have an answer for everyone, but since I can confidently say that I blocked most of my senior year of high school out, I don’t remember anyway.
November is rough in college, but this year is a whole different beast. Finals sneaking up, a second Trump term approaching, 80-degree weather one day and 45 degree weather the next: there is a lot on our plates, both existentially and day-to-day.
Having Republican parents is one thing. They might have voted for Mitt Romney and John McCain, and maybe they refer to themselves as “fiscally conservative but socially liberal” (like most Kogod men). They are frustrating—always yapping about the economy yet unaware of how economies work. But MAGA parents present a unique challenge to their children: the terrifying fusion of religion and policy—all while supporting an egregiously immoral populist who hates women, queer people, and people of color.
This is my guide to coping with lowkey insane parents. Read on to see my guide on how to protect your own mental health during this holiday season.
How to respond to your Fox News Father
Every now and then (multiple times a week), my dad will send me articles from his favorite reputable sources like Fox, OANN, NewsMax, or Tucker Carlson’s Network (so scary).
Usually, I am able to simply ignore these messages without backlash. But avoiding texts is much easier than avoiding the TV that stands in the middle of the family room constantly blaring Fox News.
I don’t get riled up about sensationalized headlines like, “Public school teachers forcing students to be gay and get abortions.” Instead, I focus on the task at hand, like making breakfast, or doing the crossword. If you do end up reacting to the unethical “reporting” your parents listen to, you can always dip immediately after— that’s what I do.
Sometimes parents text you crazy things even though you’re home, because it's more simple than saying it to your face. This is how to handle texts from your MAGA parents.
After following multiple discussions about my wanting to go on SSRIs, my dad sent me an article from the Wall Street Journal opinion section. I had attempted to appeal to his values since he is not a fan of big pharma (no way!) by telling him that SSRIs may help with my confidence in my professional pursuits. In response to the paragraph I sent him about my struggle with anxiety, he sends “‘Lazy Girl Jobs’ Won’t Make Gen Z Less Anxious.”
Before reacting with my immediate outrage, I thought about how to respond. I had a few options:
A. Respond naturally with outrage and disappointment. Why would you send an article basically telling me I am lazy rather than showing support, or even curiosity, for how I’m feeling? Why do you have to make this a generational thing? I could explain how invalidating that felt, and so on.
B. Indulge him. Maybe I am lazy, but it is most likely exacerbated by the anxiety I am experiencing. I don’t want a lazy girl job! I promise!
I went with B. The important thing about having parents with supremely different worldviews is understanding how to pick your battles. And hey, I’ve been on Zoloft for a year, so it worked in my favor—though I had to bite the bullet.
The Evangelical Mother: How to tow the line
1. Don’t Debate Doctrine
If you can relate to having an Evangelical mother, then you know how difficult it is to reason with someone who maintains such steady beliefs. Your mom didn’t start quoting Bible verses yesterday, and she’s not about to stop because you brought up climate change. If she’s mid-sermon, just hit her with a respectful nod and say something like, “I’m glad you feel so strongly about this.” It sounds earnest, and she’ll never know you’re taking deep breaths and counting things you can see and touch.
2. But It’s Okay to Keep Trying…
I've learned through years of trying my hardest to penetrate the biblical wall between my mom and I that I will continuously fail. I don’t know if I have accepted defeat even to this day—I know it’s an exhausting and almost pointless task to change her fundamental values—but something within me clings to hope that maybe I could get through to her one day.
But, keep it buzzword-free. Break it down evenly and without jargon. “Isn’t it weird how some neighborhoods still haven’t recovered from redlining?” Horseshoe theory unlocked. Taking away the “buzzwords” is vital, or they just hear snowflake lingo. Don’t set your hopes too high though. She still voted for Trump, after all.
3. How To Diffuse Arguments
Avoid the God topic at all costs. It is a black hole that sucks you in and spits you out. When my mom starts her sentences with “God,” I prepare myself to nod along and feign agreement. It’s much harder to tell your mother—who believes you will genuinely go to hell if you aren’t living a ‘Godly life’---that you do not resonate with, and actually kind of resent, the Christian faith.
But sometimes, biting the bullet is not in the cards. I mean, how much self-restraint can you show when your mother weaponizes your lack of faith against you? You may hear phrases such as: “Well, it makes me so sad to know I won’t see you after our earthly life.” You then may want to scream, “GIRL LITERALLY WHAT ARE YOU SAYING TO YOUR CHILD RIGHT NOW?”
If you do end up in an intense argument about your destination post-life, there is always time to diffuse it. Usually, I’ll do this by incorporating these three simple sentiments.
I don’t want to fight with you.
I am on my own journey, please give me the grace to figure it all out
I respect your faith and I hear you (truthfulness is irrelevant)
4. Do NOT Ask About Their Extra-Curricular Activities
One last thing about Evangelical mothers: do not ask about their involvement in Christian organizations. Honestly, ignorance is bliss. If you do ask, be prepared to hear about Moms for Liberty or some anti-abortion group. Trust me– I made the mistake of asking my mom about her recent and random visit to Washington, D.C. We went to lunch and she explained that there was a women’s march on the Capitol to pray for the country. I prodded a bit more, but she was vague in her answers. Then I saw this headline a few days later:
I could’ve lived my life without knowing my mother was in this crowd.
Thanksgiving/winter break: What to Expect
I don’t know which was scarier: living in Washington, D.C. during an election, or living at home with my parents during an election.
I’m leaning toward the latter, based on my 2020 experience. Since I have some distance from my parents during election season, I have time to prepare for the inevitable “discussions” at Thanksgiving.
Like many of my peers, I hadn’t processed the idea that Trump could win. I’m not stanning Kamala Harris, but my social media algorithms and news media were painting a different reality than what panned out. The last week and a half, besides smoking weed twice a day to numb the scariness, I have been thinking about returning home and how to navigate the holidays with my right-wing, Christian parents.
Here is what I came up with:
Fighting
Some can avoid drunken screaming matches with their relatives, others cannot. I am one of those who cannot. I know it will be a hot topic, I know my parents will have shit to say, and I know that like every other time, I’ll take the bait. While their conservative extremism didn’t rub off on me, their stubborness certainly did.
So, in the case that an argument breaks out between your family members, or between you and your family members, there are two options.
DO NOT ENGAGE.
ENGAGE.
Not engaging can sometimes backfire, if your relatives are specifically looking to start something with you. If you remain even-toned and tell them, I do not want to talk about this (repeat as necessary), they should back down eventually. It takes a lot of willpower and strength not to give in, though.
Engaging, in my experience, does end up ruining the vibe. Arguing with MAGA-republicans as a leftist is exhausting and relentless; they will never concede. So eventually someone has to diffuse the fight, or leave the room, or start hexing the other. Whatever the outcome may be, engaging in political discourse (if you can even call it that) takes an emotional toll on you.
Wonk Talk
We all need an outlet for our anxieties and fears, which are heightened by the holidays and elections. I recommend leaning on those who see the world through a similar lens. Maybe it's your cool, gay aunt, or misandrist grandmother. Even your millennial, democrat cousin may be a safe-space during the holidays. If there is no one in your corner, first of all I’m sorry, and second of all: keep in touch with your friends! FaceTime and text one another. It’s a nice reminder that not everyone in your life voted red.
Policy at Thanksgiving dinner
Your MAGA mom or dad will likely bring up immigration (in the most heinous and untrue of ways), or abortion (an Evangelical mother’s favorite topic). Thankfully, my sister and I align perfectly in our left-wing views and values. But, she does get angry at me when I react to my parents' politically charged comments—as she has mastered the art of diffusion and distraction.
No response is the best response in this scenario, followed up by a subject change. One time I responded to my father’s griping about Bidenomics with “Thoughts on getting a dog?” It’s an obvious tactic, but effective nonetheless. MAGA parents view their liberal children as we view them. It’s bizarre, but they do. Usually they have an aha-moment where they realize they do not want to fight and know they won’t change our minds. Changing the subject is a clear stance, saying I do not want to talk about this without having to say it.
Drinking: a lot of it
Thanksgiving will be especially stressful this year. I encourage you to indulge in a few adult beverages to lighten the mood. Or, if you’re not a big drinker, a joint works too. Moderation is key, though. You want to be buzzed enough to laugh at your dad’s Bidenomics rant but sober enough to steer the conversation toward mashed potatoes.
Concluding thoughts
Thanksgiving is not a TED Talk, your parents aren’t changing their minds, and you’re not becoming a MAGA apologist anytime soon. The goal here isn’t to win—it’s to survive. Whether you need distance from your parents, or you love them despite their shortcomings, I hope you have a therapy appointment booked for immediately after Thanksgiving break. That’s all I got. Good luck, babe!