7 Ways to Scare Your Peers (Without a Costume)
By Shannon Kane
Have you ever wished you could give someone the fright of their life on Halloween night, but your wardrobe is just not up to par? Never fear! I have taken the liberty of listing 7 terrifying conversion starters you can use to ensure no one will talk to you for the rest of the night.
Explain the intricacies of the Gaylor theory to anyone who will listen. Is Taylor Swift queer? Did she secretly date Dianna Agron? Or Karlie Kloss? No one knows for sure, but I’m sure you can convince any doubters out there! All you have to do is lay out every potential easter egg and not let them leave until they agree with you. She may be dating a man right now, but she’s lying!!!! She can only be truly happy with a woman. Keep telling yourself that <3.
“I only watch male comedians.” So, you think women aren’t funny? If you’re boring, just say that! But why be explicit when you could just say, “I love Bill Burr!” These spot the difference games are getting harder and harder.
Interrupt a conversation. Everyone loves making new friends, especially when they insert themselves into the conversation and start talking about themselves. Whatever you have to say is definitely more important anyways! Bonus points if you make your way into a group of people dancing, stand directly in front of one of them, and close the circle. You’ll definitely go home together!
Bring your guitar to the function. Are you eager to prove your chops as a local indie musician? Do you need an unsuspecting audience to take captive? Do you know the chords to Wonderwall? If the answer to the above questions is yes, you may be entitled to a free performance! You’ll pull. I promise.
Record the entire event for your Snapchat story. There is truly nothing better than reliving the night Sunday morning. See if you can spot the moment everything goes downhill! I personally love seeing myself in the background doing something embarrassing. It’s really helpful when I’m looking for reasons to hate myself!
Plug your club or AUSG campaign. What better opportunity for networking than a room full of random intoxicated people! I’m sure everyone will be really eager to talk about the injustices of charging for a room lockout. That’s awesome party talk. You should mention feline aids next, Debbie!
Defend Kanye West. This is perhaps the scariest thing you could possibly do, and I implore you to talk about literally anything else. Defending an antisemite is not only terrifying, it is hateful: play something else at your pregame. May I suggest the Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack?
No matter what you choose to wear this weekend, you’ll definitely be the star of someone’s morning TDR debrief. Whether you’re running loose on Embassy Row or sweating in a basement, I’m sure you’ll have someone shaking in their boots. Have a safe and spooky Halloween, Eagles!