Breaking: AUSG Endorses The Rival as #2 Best News Source on Campus
By The Rival Editorial Board
Over the weekend, AUSG sent out a press release to help spread information about the student body elections happening this week. This email was sent to The Eagle, naturally. However, we are pleased to report that AUSG has officially endorsed The Rival, an organization that has run articles telling AUSG to “just have an orgy like normal people,” as a legitimate news source. The Rival was the only media organization outside of The Eagle to receive AUSG’s election press release. The Rival would like to thank AUSG for being such big supporters of our work. Maybe they’ll even buy our merch!
Given this huge privilege of receiving a press release from AUSG (everyone’s favorite on campus institution), we have no choice but to dutifully cover the AUSG fall election cycle. If you would like to see the candidates' public statements on why you should give them all the fake power in the world, they can be found here.
As the #2 news source on campus, we’re big fans of participation trophies, which is why we’re so excited that only three! out of some ~35 races have more candidates running than seats available. If you’re a big fan of democracy though, I guess you’re out of luck.
We do, shockingly, have our first ever endorsement to make. We endorse Chandler Eby for Senate Class of 2024 who ran under the simple campaign platform: “Abolish AUSG.” If you’re a junior, don’t feel the need to vote in the election because of this. He’s the only one running for any of the five seats allocated to the Class of 2024.
We also owe a shout out to the Class of 2023. The seniors have clearly been here long enough to know what’s up, considering there is not a single person running for a Class of 2023 Senate seat.
When it comes down to it, it’s once again blatantly obvious how pointless AUSG elections are. If you truly want to exercise your right to vote, make sure you’ve requested a mail in ballot for Election Day (the real one). Most of the AUSG elections don’t even have enough students running for the amount of seats open, so most of the elections mean so little that they don’t even function as a popularity contest. Unlike the AUSG elections, voting in the midterms this November will actually have consequences of substance.
Truly, what has AU Student Government done for us as a school? If anything, it’s just a place for future hillterns to roleplay positions of power and pretend that people actually like them. Even The Eagle has written about how toxic of an environment AUSG is, even for members. So why should we care about their elections?
The Rival prides itself on being a popular (we hope) unaffiliated campus news source. While it was great to receive some recognition from an affiliated student organization (the E-board groupchat got some great laughs out of it), we will continue to make fun of AUSG and all other self-important pointless groups on campus.
(Also, please do buy our merch. We’re broke.)