Here are 25 insane facts about sex

By: Noah Cohen

1. 80 percent of all sex happens in the two rooms neighboring your Freshman dorm.

2. Sex is a portmanteau of the words “sell” and “latex”.

3. Studies show that our favorite music tends to be the music we listened to when we first started having sex with Stacy’s mom. 

4. More vibrators are sold every year than there are stars in the observable universe.

5. Sex is a sly nod to the Hasbro game “Twister”. 

6. Contrary to popular belief, your girlfriend has had good sex before you and she does think about it all the time. 

7. Sex is a way to express love, and also a way to express a fat nut. 

8. There are four levels of sex: mild, AAA, semi-pro, and premium unleaded. 

9. Orgasms release similar levels of dopamine to getting a question right on Jeopardy that the contestants all missed.

10. Sex feels good. So good, in fact, that it’s illegal in all U.S. states except New Hampshire. 

11. Aural sex is a sacred act between a man and a Hans Zimmer movie soundtrack.

12. Eating pineapple makes your semen pair well with ham on pizza.

13. The most important sex act is act III, where our protagonist discovers both the buried treasure and a little bit about himself along the way. 

14. The most sex ever had in one session happened between a 13 year old Fortnite player and your sweet mother.

15. A majority of English majors consider wordplay an essential warm-up to sex. 

16. In the Netherlands, sex is viewed as a basic human right. In neighboring Belgium, sex is viewed through binoculars. 

17. Vin Diesel has performed uncensored, unprotected sex in every Fast and Furious movie to date. See if you can catch it in the upcoming sequel.

18. The best blowjob ever given was by your friend Sam’s girlfriend who goes to another school. 

19. Confidence and humor are shown to be the biggest factors of sexual attractiveness after simply being hot.

20. Yelping during sex is encouraged -- a good review and a little blurb about the experience can mean a lot to your partner. 

21. Studies show your crush is having sex right now with someone more attractive than you in every conceivable way. 

22. The average penis is weird as fuck. 

23. As a famous French saying goes: “Life without sex is like wine without cheese”, or something stupid like that. 

24. The average age that Americans lose their virginity is one year older than your current age. You still have time!

25. The most common sexual fantasy among women is “having an orgasm”.