The Inflation of E.G.O. in Today’s Wonk Economy

by Emma Greenberg

American University reports a large inflation of the Extremely Gigantic Overachiever (E.G.O.) stock in the student finance and logistic tracker. They’ve nicknamed it the ‘Wonk Economy.’ When the pandemic originally struck investors worried that they would see a crash in the Wonk’s E.G.O. stock. However, the investors and alumni of American University are pleased to see that the stock has been higher than ever before.

The inflation of the E.G.O. stock can be attributed to a variety of factors. Firstly, due to the fact that Wonks can no longer flex their accomplishments to their peers in person, meaning they must find other ways to do so. They now must try even harder to obtain internships that sound just as impressive over virtual zoom classes.

“Working on the hill just won’t cut it anymore,” said Junior Abe Noxious. Noxious, in the past, has held three hillternships. “I needed to figure out a way to work for the International Space Station, remotely of course, or else my classmates in my foreign policy class wouldn’t know how much better in life I’m doing than them.”

A study conducted by the Wonk Group Co. found that there’s been a 16% increase in Wonks using their family connections to obtain an internship since the pandemic started.

Senior Chad D. Monét III commented that he needed to reach out to five more of his Dad’s old frat brothers than usual to get an internship at Fox News this semester.

“I couldn’t let ‘rona get in the way of me having an internship this semester,” Monét III said. “Just because ‘rona and Fauci took away my senior year parties doesn’t mean he can take away my internships.”

Another original concern that arose in investors was that the E.G.O Wonk stock would plummet due to students citing “mental health concerns.” Although ,they have been pleasantly surprised that the Wonk priority still remains on proving to be better than their peers. Rather than paying attention to the global pandemic raging on, of course.