EXCLUSIVE: Bruce, the fly on Pence’s head

“It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity,” says Bruce

by Natalie Peek

“If you’d told me two days ago I’d be this famous, I wouldn’t have believed ya,” Bruce told us in an impromptu interview, “who would’ve thought that I’d be this famous in my old age?”

Bruce, a common housefly, has risen to fame after he landed on Pence’s head during the Vice Presidential debate on Wednesday, Oct 7. 

“Look man, I wasn’t born yesterday. I was born 24 days ago. And I know shit when I see it,” he buzzed, “in fact, that’s what I do for a living.” 

Houseflies are drawn to human and fecal waste matter but still, we had to ask, what prompted this meetup?

“Look man, my whole life this building has been totally empty. It’s been so busy with people swatting me all day. Then, what’d ya know? Finally, a resting place!”

That resting place? Atop Mike Pence’s head spewing, “flagrant lies about systemic racism not existing.”

“I won’t lie, I’m drawn to really still, bright white objects. I’ve gotten burnt a couple of times [by lightbulbs]. So I’m real appreciative of Mr. Pence giving little old me a place to rest without swatting me away.” 

But what on earth would make someone dislike a fellow so kind as Bruce the housefly? “I’ll be honest, us house flies can carry all sorts of wild stuff, salmonella, e coli. I’m not even that offended anymore. But Pence really seemed to not care at all that I could be passing along a disease, he just let me stay there real close to him.”

At the end of the day, one has to appreciate the moment that the two had together on the Vice Presidential debate stage. One might even go so far as to say that the moment Bruce and Mike shared was Pence’s best of the night. We asked Bruce for more insight on Mike Pence from the short time that he was able to spend with him. 

“I can’t say for sure if it’s him or those he’s been hanging with, but man, oh man, it smells like a dumpster fire.”