Exclusive: Sylvia Burwell’s Burner Twitter Account

by Sarah Ross

Sylvia Burwell may have a burner Twitter account. It’s true. We found it, and now out of the kindness of our hearts and pure moral obligation, we have decided to share this information with you.

The account was cleverly hidden under the pseudonym “Vicky Palata” with handle @VickyPalataXO. It’s unclear why she included the “xo”, given there is no other Vicky Palata on Twitter. 

Vicky Palata has 13 tweets, follows 66 people, and has 6 followers. The accounts she follows include all of her family, Society of RATS: Rodents at American that Tag along with Students, @AU_RATS, @dril, AU Students for Sylvia Burwell @AU_S4SB, @VeggieFact and @KeilNerwin.

Vicky’s account starts off with a shady subtweet at what can only be the Wonk Cat, whom her administration has repeatedly used as a marketing tool, stating: 

“I’m not going to name names but there’s a certain feline that I am FED UP with. She is so nasty after all I’ve done for her. I pay for her housing and gave her a job as a spokescat and what do I get? Crusty fur.”

Sylvia, the cat did not ask to become a tool of capitalism. She just wants food. It’s not that deep.

Vicky then responded to Washingtonian’s list including Sylvia Burwell as one of the most powerful women in education with what equivalates to a humble-brag: 

“Glad to see Sylvia Burwell on this list- a powerful woman! Made AU freshman dorms first to function as both sleeping quarters and mold breeding grounds! #WCW #Follow4Follow.”

Sweet Vicky’s tweets reveal a lot of her true feelings and are embarrassing in how self-praising they are. Imagine being your own reply guy— couldn’t be me.

Keeping with her streak of replies, Vicky replied to a hiring announcement from @2Fix_AmericanU by griping about students: 

“Maybe students will stop shouting “eek!” when they see a mouse and now address them by the proper title, ‘Mr. or Mrs. Trusted 2Fix employee.’ #entitled #kidsthesedays.”

Vicky also got personal, revealing a possible steamy love affair with an unknown male:

“My manZ heard I was upset at trans students complaining about repeatedly getting deadnamed and misgendered so he brought me his mom’s cooking: raw rabbits. They still had his feathers on them (2 crying emojis) I (three different colored hearts) him.” 

Who could this man with a penchant for feathers be? I guess we’ll never know. 

What we do know is that Vicky used the account like any Zoomer: as a public diary and vehicle for ranting. Clearly agitated at media’s coverage, Burwell responded to the University of California system’s announcement that it would be divesting from fossil fuels with a confusing self-promotion:

“Not impressive. Sylvia Burwell, president of The American University, has repeatedly ignored students’ cries for divestment and instead touts promises of a carbon-neutral campus while taking money from big oil. Easy way out @UofCalifornia!” 

The tweet received three likes from a bot, some of which appears to be a Big Oil fetish account and Jack Cassell.

However, Vicky’s most recent tweet is possibly the most revealing of them all, because who else could this possibly refer to?

“Took a jog today and smiled wide at every student but they didn’t smile back bc mental health services on campus are grossly inadequate #epicfail #justlife.”

Sylvia Burwell did not comment upon request. @VickyPalataXO is now deleted, but don’t worry— screenshots are forever.