Wonks Overrun East Campus

By Nora Lewis

Due to the American University Model UN conference last weekend, East Campus was deemed uninhabitable. There seemed to be an overwhelming amount of wonks roaming about in one place, even for AU standards.  Since some of you seem to have forgotten this over winter break, for your personal safety, we at The Rival advise staying away from any area with more than 10 wonks gathered whenever it is possible. If you’re unable to avoid them, make sure to follow our tips for entering into a wonk-infested area: 

Do’s and Don’t of interacting with Wonks:

DO:

Avoid eye contact: Wonks can see that as a sign of aggression, or god forbid, an invitation to talk about their experience interning on the Hill

Keep conversation light: Talking about politics or social issues is always tricky, but talking to the Future President of the United States who’s been practicing their debate points makes it even trickier. 

DONT:

Talk about classes: Wonks can and will try to one-up you in a ‘who has the most well-known political figure as a professor’ competition.  You’re not gonna win, don’t even try. 

Give out your name: Two seconds later you’ll get a friend request on LinkedIn. It’s not worth it.

Make sure to follow these tips as the semester continues. We hope everyone is staying safe and wonk-averse in this scary time. If you or a loved one have been impacted by this infestation, please reach out to the Rival American as we continue to report on this issue.