Valentines Day Gift Ideas for Every Wonk in Your Life

By Shea Neary

Look, I get it. You’re dreading sitting alone at home again this Valentine’s Day like you do every year. Instead of being single in your dorm room, why not celebrate the wonks in your life that you love? Think about it like the grade school tradition where you put your Valentine’s Day cards into your crush’s box and waited patiently for them to notice the time and effort spent on their card. Although you never did get over little Johnny/Sally, and though you still may be single this upcoming V-Day, that’s no reason not to spread the love. 

1. That one KOGOD in your class that wears a suit Okay, so you may not love this kid, but who else can you count on to make fun of twice a week? Valentine’s Day is also a chance to show appreciation, so why not get this kid a new tie for his collection to ensure that his collection grows? He'll feel appreciated, and you'll never be the cringiest kid in class.

2. Sylvia

Who better to show appreciation to this Valentine’s Day than AU’s president herself? To show her how much you love her, why not invest in buying her a better ghostwriter. It’s clear that whoever is writing those emails doesn’t give a fuck about the AU student body, and she would be very appreciative if you found someone to help her sound more empathetic.

3. Wonk Bus Driver

Though they have a bad rep, who else can you count on to make the long and treacherous journey from campus to Tenley? I, personally, have so much love in my heart for the drivers that have seen me on my best and worst days. This Valentine's Day, go a step beyond the average wonk and treat them to a hug in addition to a thank you as you exit the bus.

4. Clawed Z. Eagle

If there’s one man that’s got me, Clawed’s got me. This Valentine’s Day, why not give back the love by getting whoever is suffering under that suit. Perhaps a sweatband and some antiperspirant? Seriously, I feel for and appreciate whoever has to go through that. We love you!

5. Your Loud Neighbors that Won’t Stop Having Sex

Though you may not be appreciative of their loud activities at all hours during the day (seriously, do they not have class??), you can maybe bribe them to be quieter by getting them a life. It’s crazy, but showing them that there’s other activities to be done than fucking as loud as possible on a Tuesday afternoon is life altering.