Halloween's Strongest Soldiers Share Their Lessons Learned from Partying

By Nora Lewis

Contributing: Marissa Sasso, Jewel Rubright, Jaime Lamé, Shannon Kane, Luna Jinks, Sophia Romano, and Greta Redleaf

Here at the Rival American, we promote safe partying! Always go with a buddy, keep track of your drinks, don’t scooter drunk, and never go to a frat party. Halloweekend (the weekend before Halloween) is a notorious party weekend at AU, and colleges around the country. Halloweekend is usually a defining moment for people- tears are shed, eyeliner is smudged, and costume headpieces end up in the gutter. The Rival Staff has collected the 14 Commandments of Halloweekend, so you can learn from our mistakes and make next year the best Halloweekend ever!

1. Count the number of bathrooms you have before throwing a party

Unfortunately yakking does happen at every party- make sure you don’t have to make your guests wait for the lightweight to finish getting sick in order to use the bathroom.

2. DO NOT MIX LIQUORS

Rookie mistake quite honestly, but we’ve all been there. Now you’ve learned!

3. No edibles after a night out, no messing with medication, no new combos

You are not a drug dealer or a chemist- let’s not pretend to be in Breaking Bad and start making chemical concoctions. Always talk with your doctor about your medications and their interactions with drugs/alcohol!

4. Be mindful of red lipstick and stains

Use a little bit of rubbing alcohol on clothes. You’re welcome.

5. Straight men dressed up as Ice Spice are still creepy

He is NOT one of the girlies no matter how hard he tries to be!! Just because he’s cosplaying as one doesn’t mean he won’t still creep you out the entire night.

6. NO EVERCLEAR

It’s not worth the pain you’ll feel about 2 hours after the shot. Maybe take it as a sign to make better friends that will get better drinks? Seriously, who hates you enough to give you Everclear?

7. Accept the consequences of drinking Pink Whitney

Pink Whitney is a deal with the devil, and you must accept that you will be the messiest person at the function in exchange for drinking a cute pink drink.

8. The man dressed as Ken did not come alone.

Enough said.

9. Don't go after the girl dressed as Patrick Bateman- she’ll actually kill you

Any girl dressed as THE American Psycho is channelling Patrick Bateman’s energy. She’ll put on Taylor Swift (her version of Huey Lewis and the News) and bash your head in.

10. Don’t go to a haunted house high

You’ll see the Time Demon in a crappy overpriced haunted house instead of cardboard zombies and funny fake gravestones.

11. Triple-check all clasps, straps, and velcros before leaving the bathroom

You want to be talked about because of how amazing and witty your costume is, not because of a wardrobe malfunction.

12. EAT

I hear your protests and fear of bloating, but is it more embarrassing to loosen your belt, or yak after 2 shots?

13. Don’t assume the guy in a football jersey is Travis Kelce

He WILL get upset and then you’ll have to listen to a 15-minute rant about what player he ACTUALLY is (hint: it’s not the one that Taylor Swift is dating). Unless he has a mustache- then it’s on him tbh.

14. If you’re broad-shouldered, don’t throw elbows in the club

I get that you’re built like a linebacker and you want to get to the bar but I’m gonna sail across the building and spill my drink if I get shoved. Apparently if you’re AMAB you may be turned away from certain clubs if your shoulders aren’t covered, so I guess just keep them away in all senses.