1989 (Taylor's Version) Has Reminded Me Of The Haylor Vehicular Manslaughter Theory
By Marissa Sasso
Two days ago the world was blessed with the release of 1989 (Taylor’s Version). Obviously, this has caused the Swifties online to continue to post their theories and easter egg discoveries, which reminded me of my favorite unhinged Taylor Swift related theory: The Haylor Committed Vehicular Manslaughter Theory. It also happens to be based around the time that Taylor Swift was writing the original 1989, so I figured I would revisit this insane sect of Swiftie theories with you all today.
Let's catch up on some important Haylor lore for those of you who have a life outside of baseless conspiracy theories. Here is the verifiably true timeline of Harry Styles and Taylor Swift’s relationship:
Romance rumors started in November 2012 when Taylor Swift was pictured wearing a necklace of Harry Styles’. The pendant was a paper plane. They were spotted on dates mainly in New York City.
The two went skiing in Utah in December 2012. While on this ski trip, the two get into a snowmobile accident, where Swift wrote that Styles needed “twenty stitches in the hospital room” in her song “Out Of The Woods.”
They spent New Years together, but the two ended things in January 2013 while in the middle of a vacation in the Virgin Islands. It’s where this infamous picture of the “blue dress on a boat” from the Vault Track “Is It Over Now?” was taken.
These are the confirmed facts of Styles and Swift’s relationship. The rest of this will be an unhinged and most likely untrue fan theory from two of the most rabidly online music fan bases there are. Let’s dive in.
The most important event to this theory is the December 2012 snowmobile accident. Some fans have speculated that this accident did not actually happen the way that Swift and Styles publicly say it happened. Instead, they believed that Styles actually ran over a person in this snowmobile accident, thus killing them.
I know, pretty fucking morbid, right? Also, what random people are just walking around alone in the snowy December woods that Styles could even kill? Clearly this requires some suspension of disbelief, but it’s definitely entertaining.
The part that’s even crazier is that apparently Swift and Styles are both alluding to this crime in multiple songs. Personally, if I ever killed someone and got away with it, I would keep my mouth SHUT. I would not speak of it! Maybe it’s because their millions (or billions, as Swift has just become a billionaire) of dollars just give them so much impunity they want to laugh in our faces by constantly reminding us that they got away with a very serious crime. Either way, their alleged motivation doesn’t make much sense, but I do love how camp the idea of it is.
Where are alleged hints to this bloody crime in their songs? Well, let me show you!
(My research came from this powerpoint posted by Reddit user u/gelastic_quince84 and this Prezi posted by Aziz Ouedraogo.)
Style— 1989 (Taylor’s Version)
In Swift’s song “Style,” she writes multiple lines that imply Styles is not a good driver. Lyrics such as “Midnight / you come and pick me up no headlights,” “He can’t keep his wild eyes on the road,” and “when we come crashing down / we come back every time” indicate that Styles may not have been the safest driver. Reddit user u/gelastic_quince84 wrote “please someone take away his license” when discussing the theory behind this song. Maybe his poor driving means he’s capable of murder…
I Know Places– 1989 (Taylor’s Version)
In 1989’s “I Know Places,” Swift writes that “something happens when everybody finds out / see the vulture circling dark clouds,” which hints at her paranoia in getting arrested for vehicular manslaughter after Styles’ reckless driving. The most obvious part of this song is the chorus, where Swift sings: “Baby / I know places we won’t be found / and they’ll be chasing their tails trying to track us down” which, yes, could be about the misgivings of fame and hiding from paparazzi, but it could ALSO be about hiding from the authorities investigating the crime she and Styles possibly committed.
Sign of the Times– Harry Styles
There’s a section of the analysis of this song that u/gelastic_quince84 wrote in their slideshow that I’m just gonna put here because nothing I write will ever be as funny as this:
Also, the chorus “Just stop your crying it’s a sign of the times / we gotta get away from here” sure does sound like he’s telling Swift to stop crying at the scene of the crime so they can flee…
Out Of The Woods– 1989 (Taylor’s Version)
First off, Swift writes “Looking at it now / last December” which was exactly when the snowmobile manslaughter incident happened. She wrote: “Your necklace hanging from my neck / the night we couldn’t quite forget” Why can’t they quite forget that night, you may ask? Because they killed someone!! Again, it’s a little sick and twisted that the two keep referencing it publicly in their songs, but who am I to judge? Obviously the part of this song that is most obviously about that night is the bridge, where she sings: “Remember when you hit the brakes too soon / twenty stitches in the hospital room” why did he hit the brakes too soon? To (unsuccessfully) try to not run over the random person in the snow! She continues by singing: “Remember when you couldn’t take the heat / I walked out I said I’m setting you free,” showing that Styles and Swift’s relationship ended because of this bloody incident. The chorus “Are we out of the woods yet?” could also show how Swift is still paranoid about if they have truly gotten away with their crime even after it cost them their relationship.
Ever Since New York– Harry Styles
Lyrics like “you don’t know nothing / just pretend you do” and “Oh tell me something I don’t already know” indicate that both are pretending that they don’t know anything about the person they ran over in order to get away with the crime. He also admits to the audience that “I've been praying / I never did before / I’ve been praying ever since New York.” New York was where the two spent the most time together before the manslaughter and subsequent breakup, so it’s no wonder he’s been praying ever since their relationship happened.
Two Ghosts– Harry Styles
Styles is writing this song about how much both of them have grown since both the breakup and manslaughter cover up. He sings: “We’re not who we used to be / we’re just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me” The ghosts reference back to the manslaughter, which he claims robbed them of some part of their normal lives when it happened, thus they are both “ghosts” when they meet again after this incident. He also alludes to the cover up when he sings: “Telling those stories we already told / cause we don’t say what we really mean.” Because what they really mean is that they killed someone!
Clean– 1989 (Taylor’s Version)
This song is where Taylor learns how to move forward past this bloody moment in her life. She writes in the beginning of the song that “You’re still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can’t wear any more.” You know what looks kind of like a red wine stain? A blood stain! Well, kinda, if you have discolored blood maybe. I don’t know, man. This isn’t my theory, so don’t hate the messenger! By the end of the song, Swift admits that “By morning / gone was any trace of you / I think I am finally clean” showing how she has rid herself of Stylesl, who reminds her of the manslaughter too much. Clearly the breakup helped Swift move on from the manslaughter, since she describes that she is “finally clean” now.
There are a few more songs that Swifties have analyzed to fit this theory, but these songs are the main hints that the singers have given us. If you’re interested, listen to Getaway Car, I Did Something Bad, No Body No Crime, and maybe even some of 1989’s Vault Tracks to discover more evidence of this bloody crime. Check out this Spotify playlist I found that includes all the songs that are included in this theory.
Obviously, I don’t actually think that Taylor Swift or Harry Styles killed anyone. If anything, I feel bad for Styles, whose driving gets flamed so much in Swift’s songs and throughout this theory. As someone who was voted Worst Driver in their high school yearbook, I empathize with Styles and his poor driving skills. Hopefully he’s improved his driving in the past decade. I can’t judge too much though, because I know my driving certainly hasn’t improved.