I Walk The Line: Being Not Straight and Acting Pretty Straight

by Anonymous

I’ve never really been one for feelings, but I can’t argue with the fact that they exist. I might even go so far as to say that I have them. It was some point in high school, then, while in the process of having and acknowledging these feelings, where I realized I was bisexual. I responded to this in the same way I have to so many other things in life: I gave it a shrug, said “okey-dokey,” and I moved on with my life.

Moving on with my life for me, personally, meant half-following sports, digging pointless holes, engaging in casual consensual violence for fun. For better or worse, I was “one of the guys,” a role that I felt comfortable in and never had trouble filling.

It wasn’t really until I came to college that I actually spent significant time around other non-straight folks. I got along with them fine, but overtime I recognized that I didn’t share a ton of similar interests with my gay compatriots. I realized that I didn’t act like a “typical” queer person.

Because of this, I’ve spent a lot of time lacking confidence in my own sexuality, feeling like perhaps I just wasn’t meant to be a member of the LGBTQ+ community. I don’t even know what made me think that other than the fact that I wasn’t super close with other non-straight folks and the notion that I didn’t understand 80% of the film or music references I heard when I spent time in those circles At some point I decided that my moderate himbo tendencies, coupled with my general “straight” interests and the fact that I have a girlfriend, meant that I didn’t count as bi.

That was no fault of any member of the LGBTQ+ community, of course. I’ve had the great fortune of being surrounded by lovely people for many years both in that community and outside of it, and never felt invalidated anywhere but inside of my own head.

Over time, though, I realized that in the end, nothing makes me bisexual but my sexuality, and that was going to be the reality regardless of my friends or how much of a “dude” I acted like. After the long time I spent questioning whether I was a “real” queer person, I realized that the only validation for my sexuality that mattered was the fact that, when I thought about myself and feelings I’d had through the years, I was bisexual.

I don’t necessarily know why I’m writing this. It’s pride week. I am proud. And, if you’re reading this as a stereotypically straight-acting non-straight person, I want you to be proud too.