by Julia Ford

Though we aren’t on campus this semester, we’ve all scrambled for a space to cry after a late night Subway run. There are lots of spots to pick from, but I've tried to find a place for student's from every school to go to. So, if we’re ever on campus again, you know where to go. If not, it could give you an idea for what virtual background to have on Zoom.

KOGOD: The Eagle Statue

Just a few steps away from your kingdom, the Eagle statue is an excellent place for Kogod students to cry. You definitely have a sense of success and all that, but it gets hard when you realize you’ll never live up to incarcerated wonk alum, Jordan Belfort. Make sure you keep a tissue in the pocket of the suit you wear everyday of your life, and you’ll be okay. If you can’t find a tissue, you can just use the $100 bill that your parents give you for weekly allowance.

SIS: Smoke Stop Behind Anderson

The walk from SIS to the bus stop will clear your mind, and I know you’re definitely in SIS studying because you never fail to post a picture on snapchat. The bus stop usually has a few folks smoking cigarettes, so you’ll have some company. You can whip out your pack of Cuban cigars that your Dad’s business partner gave you. Sit with your knees spread, no matter how many people are sitting at the bus stop, and explain to them what makes Cuban cigars special. Talk about the luxurious cancer-causing tobacco, and maybe throw in a quick rundown of US-Cuba foreign relations. The people there definitely want to have that conversation with you. Grant us your gift of knowledge, oh wise SIS major, and your tears will cease flowing.

CAS: The Amphitheater

Sitting on the cold concrete with tears streaming down your face, you'll reassure yourself that you're the main character. You should definitely bring some headphones with you. On any given night, there’s gonna be at least 8 CAS main characters boo-hooing. You'll dramatically look up at the night sky, hoping the stars will guide you, only to remember that the light pollution in DC is so bad that you can't see the stars. This will make you cry harder. The main character would never leave without taking a photo to post with some dramatic music on their close friends story.

SPA: In front of Kerwin

When you’re upset, you need someone there for comfort. But, you don’t want to admit that you’re struggling with your 18-credit course load and 16 unpaid internships on the Hill. Instead, you can hang out with the donkey or elephant statue in front of the SPA building. They won’t be there to play devil’s advocate, but you do that enough in every single class you’ve ever attended. Once you let it out, you can snap a quick selfie to post on Facebook with a passive-aggressive blurb about how you need to #VOTE, as if any student attending American University isn’t going to vote. It’s okay, sometimes we have to post something on Facebook to cheer us up.

School of Education: Spring Valley

You probably already guessed this, but the best place you can go to cry is the Spring Valley building. Besides the kids in student theatre that get screwed by 25live and have to perform in one of the classrooms, you are probably the only school that’s stepped foot into that building. Fellow SOE students may be able to comfort you and dry your tears. You can use one of your fall construction paper projects to do so— nothing soaks up tears quite like a hand turkey made by a five year old. If you need a change of scenery, you can always sit in the back at the bus stop and wait for the shuttle that has never and will never run on time.

SOC: The Rooftop Seating Space in SOC

Whenever someone mentions the McKinley building, it’s a habit of yours to ask if they’ve ever been on the roof. So, naturally, this is a place where you could be in your feelings. You have enough privacy because of the enclosed space, but there are windows surrounding you and allowing you to be seen. This isn’t an issue, though, because you’ll be live tweeting the entire event anyway

Where to Cry on Campus Based on Your Major