Mike Bloomberg Purchases Wonk of the Year Title to Better Appeal to the Youths

by Kayleigh Thompson

In a bold move to increase his appeal to college-age voters, presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg has purchased the 2020 Wonk of the Year title for a whopping sum of $69,420. This announcement comes just days before Super Tuesday where the New York City billionaire is hoping his unprecedented amount of advertising will pay off with voters at the polls. 

The amount, which some consider pocket change for the 9th richest man in the world, has been paid in full to the Kennedy Political Union. KPU has promised to use the funds to, “create more opportunities so important people can come to AU and inspire Wonks of all types.”  In an interview with the Rival American, KPU member Finn Glomgold explained his excitement at this development. 

“How could we not give Mr. Bloomberg the esteemed Wonk of the Year title when he has given us this generous donation. We know bringing even more national heroes to Bender Arena is just what this campus needs, especially with the growing disconnect between the AU administration and its students. The students here would love to have even more opportunities to take selfies with important people to post on their Linked-ins.” 

While it is unclear whether AU is calling Bloomberg’s move a donation or an outright purchase, one thing for certain is that the candidate seems to be turning his attention towards college-aged voters. Many view Bloomberg, a 78 year old businessman worth more than $50 Billion, to be disconnected from America's youngest voters, and following last week's debate more and more students seem to be supporting Senators Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren.

A spokesperson for Bloomberg told The Rival, “What we hope for is that Wonks... am I saying that right? Wonks… yeah okay. We hope Wonks see what Mike has to offer. He’s coming to show that he’s just as hip and cool as the other candidates running, and that he’s willing to pay absurd amounts of money to prove it.”

The student response to this event has been dubious. Many students are excited for the promise of free campaign merch, while others are angry over KPU not choosing a more important political personality, like Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, climate activist Isra Hirsi, or Harry Styles. However, like every Wonk of the Year event, lines are sure to be outside the doors of Bender, with twitter feeds popping off at the amount of security, lack of free food, and limited time allotment for Q&As. 

The Wonk of the Year event will take place in the weeks after Spring Break, with every attendee receiving their own Bloomberg T-shirt, sunglasses, and sticker, as well as a coupon for a subscription to Bloomberg Businessweek. Every entrance ticket will also include either a complimentary photo-op with Mike himself or a signed copy of his 1997 bestseller Bloomberg by Bloomberg, which early reports hint could be next year’s Writer as a Witness selection for incoming freshmen.

The Rival American will be following the developments of this announcement closely and will keep Wonks informed about all the details of the imminent arrival of ‘The Bloom Brigade.’ 

Stay tuned to see how you can meet Mike. In the meantime, check out Mike’s official campaign site here.