The Sex Week, Sex Scene, Sex Bracket: The Final

by The Rival American

It’s all come down to this. Biggest movie in history Avatar faces off against indy darling and most recent best picture winner Parasite. Will I be pulling for Parasite because it would be incredible if James Cameron lost an Oscar to his ex-wife and then this prestigious bracket to a movie that much more effectively and eloquently illustrates class then his weird hair sex thing. At the same time, any excuse to talk about the confounding reality that Avatar made $2.79 billion and failed to permeate the public consciousness in any way shape or form. It’s the height of international cinema in American discourse vs Avatar. Tune in tomorrow for a breakdown of the winning scene!

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A note on seeding — We looked at the Rotten Tomatoes scores for each movie and ranked them in reverse order. Why? Cause nothing actually matters.

(16) Parasite vs (10) Avatar

(16) Parasite, (The rich couple on the couch)

The now 4 time Oscar winning film Parasite features a deconstruction of modern capitalism, commentary on climate change, and one of the most effective illustrations of class sabotage ever put to film. It also has this weird sex scene on a couch while it’s also raining. Parasite is a perfect movie save for this one, deeply unsettling moment. (But actually it is important in the story of the film and adds to the overall narrative very well). I love you Bong Joon-ho.

(10) Avatar, (Neytiri and Jake)

Hair sex. That’s the takeaway of this movie. Also like they mesh their hair with their animals, so what’s that about? This was supposed to be a family friendly film and then you walk in with your grandma and there’s some kinky hair sex. Yes, I get that the sex is different for them but it was still weird.