I Survived the New Tenleytown Target Without Buying Anything and You Can Too

by Maggie Mahoney

I may have a bit of a shopping addiction habit. Luckily, most of my favorite stores aren’t close enough in proximity to allow for too much damage to my bank account. Online shopping is a separate issue, but, hey, we can’t win ‘em all. However, on November 6th, everything changed. Target opened its doors in the heart of Tenleytown, and the world would never be the same.

I don’t know if it’s the repressed white mom in me, but I’m a hoe for Target. I was raised on back-to-school shopping in those eye-straining red aisles. It was my promised land during preteen years and, honestly, little has changed. Although I moved away from Connecticut, where my nearest Tarjé is a 10 minute drive, to Washington, D.C., where it’s a real haul by Metro or a pricey Uber ride to reach the nearest location, Target has remained in my heart and mind.

This week, Tenleytown answered our prayers and blessed us all with this premier shopping experience just a Wonk bus ride away. Their motive? We don’t know, but it’s highly dangerous. Watch out AU freshman, because your wallets are about to be snatched.

I wandered through the teen clothing section, skimming the fuzzy coats and puffer jackets with an expression of awed reverence. May I just say, Urban Outfitters has nothing on Target’s sweater game. The Wild Fable line slaps. And for the $20-$40 price-points, that’s only like 4 to 8 Starbucks coffees, so, totally reasonable! Right?

I twirled through the grocery aisles (RIP Whole Foods) and contemplated a box of family size Cheez-its as a snack to fuel my solo endeavor. I meandered down to the beauty section, wishing that I wore makeup enough to justify a festive holiday eyeshadow palette. The candle section tempted me beyond what words can describe.

But here is the real message of this story: I left Target without buying a single thing for the first time in history. Granted, this was mostly due to the tiny Boomer in the back of my head telling me that buying one thing would open the floodgates to total financial ruin, but still: that’s willpower.

Target has a reputation for being a store where you never leave empty handed, regardless of whether you intended to purchase something. Well, consider that myth busted because I did it! I escaped with my wallet unopened and my sanity intact.

My temporary victory will doubtless come undone when I get a little too hopped up on that good good holiday spirit. I’m sure I’ll be Secret Santa-ing all my friends within an inch of their lives come December, but until then, I am patting myself on the back and celebrating the little wins.

Still, beware! The Tenleytown Target is a blessing as much as it is a curse. It’s affordable enough to lure you into a false sense of security but creeps up on you with the persistence of a pushy sales associate. Although I wish it had been around all four years of my time at AU, part of me realizes what a massive financial problem that would have been. Imagine freshman dorm shopping, Halloweekends, and formal events if Target had been in Tenley? Metaphorical bloodbaths. It would have meant complete, unnecessary carnage to my bank account.

In summary, will I love Target ‘til the day I die? Heck yes. But will I also acknowledge its culty, hypnotic power over me and my common sense? Also yes. And that, folks, is what I call self awareness and healthy boundary setting. Please do not consult my shopping receipts for confirmation.