Wonk Bat: Vermin of the Year


In a beta test, American University tries a new “-at” vermin in freshman dorms to see if it will stick. It only hangs…upside down.

by Natalie Peek

From the Wonk Cat of 2017-2018 to the Wonk Rat of 2018-2019, American University has utilized the vibrant vermin community on campus to bring students together, in sickness and in health. In a beta test on September 7, Letts 5 got a try of the #WonkBat. Long story short, it did not fly over well.

Freshmen first saw the bat in question at the ripe hour of 11:13 p.m. As it dipped around the floor from northside to southside, the age-old Cotton Eyed Joe paradox arose: where did it come from and where did it go? Could this be a new monitoring technology from Amazon? Retaliation from Aramark? Or were the freshman dorms becoming a new breeding ground for bats, an easy solution to the problem of finding locally sourced, organic meat?

The answer was not clear, but Housing and Residence Life intervened ASAP to end the test. Wonk Bat brought neither the warm fuzzy emotions of giving someone housing like the Wonk Cat, nor the fierce feeling of needing to help independent food service providers on campus provided by the Wonk Rat. The Wonk Bat brought only fears and possibly rabies, and AU could not risk alienating the anti-vaxxers. 

Alas, who would remove this vermin? Certainly not a pest service, not since the mice took care of them. Certainly not 2Fix, not since the service queue swallowed them. Indeed, no one but the valiant AUPD could’ve handled the Wonk Bat at 12:01am on the morning of Sep 8, 2019, the official end of the bat beta test. Fly high, little Wonk Bat, fly high. 

R.I.P. Wonk Bat: Sept. 6- Sept. 7, 2019