What Is This Feeling

This piece was submitted by a member of the LGBTQ+ community at American University as part of the Rival American’s Pride Week. Their views do not necessarily represent that of The Rival American or its staff. If you’d like to submit your own work, please do so with our submission drive which will be open until Thursday, April 25th.

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By Maggie Rocha


A birthday party. 2010s pop music plays faintly plays in the background. MAGGIE dances as if

she were dancing with a group. She stops dancing and stares off into the distance.

(speaking aloud her thought process) Who is that? Oh, okay I guess I’m walking over there now.

I shouldn’t have stared. Be cool. You just have to say “hey, I’m Maggie”. (speaks out as if she is

talking to another person) Hey, I’m Maggie. I love this song too. Sure, I’ll dance with you. (She

begins to dance, thought process returns) Breathe. It’s just dancing, it’s just small talk. So why

do I feel so flustered, like my heart is going to burst right out of my chest? I only feel like this

when I have a crush. Wait. (pause) Am I gay? (pause) No, not gay. (to person) Sorry I need to

use the restroom. (She scurries over to the bathroom, thought process returns) There is

something about this girl. Why does this feel normal, like this is a part of me I just hadn’t

discovered. Is there a word for this? (pulls out phone, speaks aloud as she types) I like boys and

girls. Search. (She stares at the phone for a moment) Bisexuality: attraction toward both males

and females. Bisexual. (she looks off, someone is talking to her). Oh, you have to go? It was

lovely to meet you. (She watches her leave) Bisexual… (with new found excitement, she leaves)

Maggie is a sophomore Communication Studies and Theatre Arts double major because she is very indecisive about her future. She is very bi. This monologue is an artistic retelling of when she figured this out.