AU Missed Connections

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by Noah Stevens

January 15th 2019 ─ 10:57:34 PM

To the girl in the AU Hoodie on the Shuttle…

We rode the metro back together from DCA. I think I first saw you at baggage claim. You were rolling your suitcase in one hand and holding your backpack in the other. You were wearing an AU hoodie. The blue one with red letters. Not the one with bright red letters, more like a muted red. I wouldn’t call it a brick red...And it’s not quite a burgundy. Maybe a candy apple red.

You got off the shuttle a stop ahead of me, and dropped your UPass. It’s blue...not a navy blue, like your hoodie, but more of a royal blue. Less royal blue than you think, though. More like...a medium royal blue.

Anyway, I have your UPass. I’m gonna sell it if you don’t want it.


January 18th 2019 ─ 9:26:01 AM


If you’re in the macro economics lecture in Ward  Kerwin T2 at 8 AM and you’re a girl with brown hair. I may have been sitting behind you and could see you messaging on your computer.

Let me just say, I can tell you’re too good for Jacob. It was way too early for him to be talking to you like that, and over Facebook Messenger? No ma’am. It’s 2019 and we’re better than that. Like your mom texted you, you just need to give him up and focus on getting graduated early.

Also I noticed you have a digital copy of the textbook. Any chance you could give me your login for that?


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January 27th 2019 ─ 6:15:06 PM

Meal Swiper

Dinner rush in the Tavern. I was standing behind you in line for thirty-seven minutes. You were wearing a navy blue suit, brown dress shoes, and a green tie. You topped it off with a grey North Face backpack. I could see your Congressional ID clipped to your belt, but I couldn’t get a good look at must have applied to your internship in November to work through the government shutdown. You’re smart. Maybe too smart… that’s why I can only hope what happened next was an accident.

Tami was at the register and she called my number (147). We stepped forward in sync, but your strides (perfected on the Hill no doubt) were too long for me to beat. You didn’t take a look at your receipt. Neither did Tami. You traded that piece of paper for what was supposed to be my greasy bag of dinner. You turned around, beaming, making your way triumphantly past me, not even bothering to make eye contact.

Did you even know you swiped my meal?

I think I got your order. Who the hell gets raw and sauteed onion on their burger?


January 30th 2019 ─ 9:03:56 AM

Share Your Eagle Bucks With Me

Tall Blonde Boy. I was behind you in line at Whole Foods in Tenley this morning. I am a short Red-Haired Girl. You paid for $136.93 worth of groceries (mostly gluten-free frozen burritos) with EagleBucks.

First, I didn’t know you could do that. Second, please be my friend.

I’m out of meal swipes and it’s the second week of classes. I basically exist on lettuce and meals other people swipe for me. After you left, I paid for my kombucha with quarters I found in the change holes in the East Campus vending machines (yes I took change from all of them, it took a lot of bending over and digging). It would be a big help if we were friends so you could pay for my groceries with what I can only imagine are limitless EagleBucks.